I just turned 31. I remember when 31 used to sound old. Now, it feels like a youngin' who is just now starting to adult. I don't pretend to know it all. If that was the case, then I would have written this when I was 21...when I thought I knew everything. Haha! At least I'm old enough to know and admit now that I have no idea what I'm doing. In fact, the name of this post should really read "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing." Now, that I've got you hooked (?) let me explain some things that I have actually learned (and still working on, #tbh) throughout my 31 trips around the sun.
1. Save money. Budget money. Talk about money. MONEY! :::in my Cardi B voice::: If this is a no-brainer to you, then cool. Teach me your ways. My mom taught me how to budget when I was 14 years old; when I had my very first job. However, my mom was not in the back of my brain when I was 18 years old and got my first credit card. Wow. To say that little piece of plastic got me into some trouble would be an understatement. And, you know what? I have nothing to show for it. I didn't spend $$ on a cool vacation or some other cool experience. I spent it on...I don't even know. I spent about 10 years paying off my stupid mistakes from back then. Let me get off my soapbox. I will write a whole post on budgeting later. Sexy, I know.
2. The less you care about what others think, then the less you'll be paranoid about it. Another no-brainer? Well, if you didn't know, most people are thinking of themselves anyway. They're not worried about you. And not to sound so mom-like, but somebody else's opinion of you is none of your business. Let me give you an example: As a fitness instructor trying to build up my classes, I've heard women tell that that they're "too fat" or "too out of shape" to attend. A) Stop talking down to yourself. B) Nobody gives a shit what you look like; they're too worried about themselves. C) Stop talking down to yourself (yes, this is a repeat). Seriously, though. You're your worst critic. Don't not better yourself because you're afraid of other people and/or your own paranoia.
3. You find out who your friends are. I have some wonderful friends (you know who you are). I have had some really bad "friends" (they're not reading this post). Experience a major life event and you find out how quickly people will leave or stay in your life. Call it what it was, and then ditch the relationship, show up for the people who showed up for you, and cherish the crap out of them.
4. Don't wish away your life. I'm so guilty of this. Ever since I was little, I was always looking for the next chapter. When I was in the 6th grade, I was already looking forward to high school. I wanted to do high school things. When I first got married, I wanted to have babies right away. Thankfully, John is the brakes in our relationship and I'm glad we waited a couple of years before pulling the plug on kiddos. There's tons of other examples I can give. I'm working on this. So, don't do this. Don't always look towards the next thing.
5. Marriage is hard. I would love to say that John and I were just blessed with a good marriage. We are blessed. BUT, you know why we are so blessed?! Because we work at it every. damn. day. We have good days; we have bad days. We've had days where one of us thought of giving up. We've had days where we can't get enough of each other (these days are more likely!!!). We pray together. We discuss hard things. We discuss really good things. We communicate about expectations, money, kids, sex, etc. We go on dates. We budget for those date nights out. We cry; we pray; we laugh; we're best friends. I'm no love expert, but I think we're doing a bomb-ass job. And it's still hard!
6. Kids are hard. Nobody tell my children, but, I don't know what I'm doing. They're healthy and they're loved. I know this much. I hope they won't need therapy because we threaten the "werewolf" will come out if Clark doesn't eat his veggies. I told y'all...I don't hold back my honesty, here. We do this. A part of me laughs, a part of me cringes. Kids, man.
7. Make a healthy lifestyle a priority. Do not make me get the werewolf out to make you eat your veggies! Just do it. You're a grownup. Eat. Your. Veggies. Work out. Be active. Start early and do it often.
8. Say you're sorry and mean it. I am so bad at this. My husband will read this and think, "Yup." The words "I'm sorry" when I've been wrong in an argument are like nails on a chalkboard. Again, I'm working on this too. When I say "I'm sorry." I want to mean it. I don't want to say it to end a fight. So, my sorry may come later when I've had an opportunity to think about what led up to a needed "I'm sorry."
9. You can relate every life situation to Friends. You just can. Try me. No, really...I'll be there for you.
10. Get the help if you need it. Not to sound all Lady Gaga, (if you don't know, she used her Grammy acceptance speech to discuss this and it was beautiful) but I mean this. I have high anxiety, which you may already know from this post. I finally got help, and it's literally the best decision I've made. It led to some serious, proud, and major events in my life. All it took was a visit with my primary doctor who listened to me as I cried in his office.
11. Invest in your real friends. Continuing on my path of honesty...I've been burned badly by a girlfriend. BAD! Let's skip the details. Even after the event that led to the ultimate burn, I had a bad taste in my mouth about friends, in general. It messed me up. As I got older, however, when I found the real friends, and invested in the old reliable ones, it made me appreciate them even more. Again, you know who you are. :)
12. Have a classic go-to clothing piece in your closet. Enough with the heavy stuff for a second. I will definitely be posting a picture of my go-to dress on my Instagram soon. I've worn it to 30th birthday parties, to 2 year old birthday parties, baby showers, at the grocery store, on date night, to church, etc. This dress fits me, fits my personality, and can be worn anywhere! Praises!
13. Thank your mom. And hug her. She put up with your crazy ass for years. She knows things. And she knows you. Thank her. Apologize to her. Bring her a bottle of champs (that always works for mine). Cheers, Angie!
14. Find your own theme song and dance to it to escape a bad mood. Get ready. I wasn't meant to be born in my own decade. This song for me is "Boogie Shoes" by KC And The Sunshine Band. I don't know why this song makes me dance, but it does. That, and anything by Lil Jon. There...now I'm showing my real age.
15. When it doubt, pray. Sometimes I do everything and do this last. And, then I wonder why I didn't do this to begin with. He is in control. Hit your knees. Enough said.
16. Learn to say "no". It's hard to say "no" in a society where we (especially as women) are expected to be able to do everything. As much as I would like to do some things, I have to say no because...I am a human. My family comes first. And if I feel like something will get in the way of that...then, NO!
17. Be a nice human. Be nice to the person in the elevator. Be nice to the new girl at the gym. Be nice to your neighbor. Be nice to your kids. Just, be nice.
18. It's ok to be selfish sometimes. I am selfish when it comes to working out. I will put my phone on do not disturb mode and pretend nothing else in the world exists. I self-care every week-wine, facials, bath tub. Do not disturb. I go to a girls' night about once a month. Do not disturb. This can be considered selfish. I do. But, I agree on doing it.
19. Don't cry at work. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, please. Wait until you get home. Run out to your car. Do NOT cry at work...to your boss...to your co-workers...at your desk. Pull yourself together you badass professional. Pull your badass self together (and go cry somewhere else). Don't give anyone any reason to believe you're not just as deserving when living in a man's world.
20. Be ok with failures. I've failed at jobs, at relationships, at being a mom, at being a wife, at being a daughter, a test, at college, etc. I've failed. Hallmark moment...those times in my life taught me to appreciate the successes. That moment when you've been able to successfully make your child catch a ball; when others ask you for marriage advice; when others tell you that they wish they could start a blog. Those moments. Damn. Those moments were the final steps that began as failures. Fail. Get up and try again.
21. You can't please everyone. This one...I'm also still working on. In fact, I keep thinking, "Are you sure?" Maybe there's a way. But you cannot. You clean please the masses, but there's always that one.
22. Don't compare yourself with others. Don't compare your success to others' success. I have friends who are my age and had similar upbringings who I've felt were more "successful" than me. They've started a business, they've traveled more, they're more fit, they're making more money, or they have a bigger home...and I've thought "am I doing this life thing right?" It's a hard thought for me to manage sometimes. I have to remind myself that everyone's successes may look different than mine. And part b to this life lesson is to celebrate those successes. It feels so much better to celebrate than be pissed about someone else's successes. I promise. I've done both.
23. You can have it all; maybe just not at the same time. Travel, excel in a career that you love, write a book, have a bunch of kids, write the blog, ;) audition for a play, volunteer...whatever. Do it all. You can. Maybe not at the same time. I think, especially for women, we're expected to do it all; have all the babies, bounce back to pre-pregnancy weight, work full-time, keep a clean house, be successful in our careers, be the team mom, the PTA president, and and and...and it's not possible to be able to do all of those things all at once. Cut yourself some slack and you do you on your own time and terms.
24. Nobody's dream is as important to you than you. I'm stealing a line from Rachel Hollis, here. Even your mom, your best friend, or your spouse doesn't want your dream more than you. It's ultimately up to YOU how bad you want something.
25. You can be friends with someone who has different beliefs than you. It takes all kinds of kinds. I have friends who have different political, religious, and marital beliefs than me. It makes for interesting topics around the table. Wine is usually involved.
26. Get a mentor. Or two, or three. I love having a person from whom to learn and grow. I have a fitness mentor. I have a religious mentor. I have a career mentor. These are my people who I believe are successful in their respective roles AND who want me to be successful too. Set aside any pride or the I-can-figure-it-out-for-myself attitude and find a mentor.
27. You're responsible for your own actions. Did you get that? YOU! My toddler even does this. Something is broken and he told me that it was just in his way and it happened to tip over. Um, YOU broke it. For myself, I've told others that I would be way more fit if my husband was a better eater too. However, I am responsible for what I put in my mouth. Not him. I can't stand the attitude of others blaming how they were raised, or their set of circumstances for their actions. You're responsible for your own actions, regardless.
28. Be honest. Be honest with friends, your partner, your mom. Just be honest. You'll always know where you stand with my mom-Angie. If she's pissed, she will let you know within a few minutes. If she's happy, and happy at something you particully did, she'll let you know. She feels and she feels deeply. And on an even deeper level, be honest with yourself. Are you honestly happy? Are you honestly fulfilled in your marriage, career, life choices? Just be honest.
29. Forgive, but don't forget. As I mentioned earlier, I've been burned. I've been burned by boyfriends, girlfriends, and bosses. I would say I am a very forgiving person. That doesn't mean I've forgotten. I've used those "burned" moments as life lessons that I'll carry with me forever. You live; you learn; you don't forget.
30. Write it down. I write it alllll down. I make lists. And with this mom brain I've got going on, if I don't write it down, it won't get done. But, on a different level, I also like to write down my goals. If it's written, it'll get done. If it's written, it's out there for me to visually see. Write it down!
31. Do something that scares you. Publishing a blog scared me. It scared me so badly, that it took nearly 10 years for me to finally do it. It was scary at first, but I'm so glad I did it!
I think that as a woman now officially in my 30's, I can confidently post these things in hopes that it might help you too-younger or older. Because whether you're 21, 31, or even 81, there are always lessons to be had.
Cheers.
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